Have you ever had someone approach you in a hostile fashion? I don’t necessarily mean an outright physical assault. It most likely was verbal at first. Why does conflict happen and is there a way to stop it?
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In this 3-part series, we’re going to take a look at why conflict occurs, the Interview Process, and what can be done about it. At some point in your life, this will happen to you if it hasn’t already, so it’s best to put some thought into it ahead of time.
Why does it happen?
There are many reasons that people fight. Often, alcohol and/or drugs are the fuel that drives conflict. Insecurity and jealousy are huge factors behind conflict. People may be jealous of something that you have. Maybe you own nice material things (house, cars, boat, etc.). Maybe they envy your family or your job. You might remind them of something that they’d like to be.
Some people simply enjoy manipulating, dominating, and controlling others. They get used to doing these things, often unopposed, possibly because of their positions in the community or at a business. Or maybe they are just bad, imposing people that few others stand up to.
Bullies
Frequently, bullies are driven by an imbalance of self-esteem and feel the need to put down or intimidate others so they can feel better about themselves. On the flip side, some bullies and criminals have too much self-esteem. This concept is foreign to many people because we’ve always heard about the bully’s lack of self-esteem. But too much? Yes, it absolutely can happen. Think about it. Someone who steals your things, torments you, or otherwise victimizes you has a wildly-inflated sense of entitlement. They have entitled themselves to dominate other people, either mentally or physically. That overbearing sense of entitlement doesn’t indicate a lack of esteem, but a drastic excess of esteem.
A Means To An End
We see this daily in criminals. Most people picture criminals envision drug dealers on the corner, gangs shooting each other, or convicts in prison. All of these are valid examples. However, the same mentality can also be exhibited in executive offices in companies, too (their attire is just different).
As an example, consider the Enron executives who stole millions of dollars from worker pensions. Were those executives lacking in self-esteem? Absolutely not! They had an overabundance of it because they entitled themselves to everyone else’s money. So what’s the difference between the Enron executives and the robber who sticks a gun in your face? Nothing. One uses a computer to steal your money and the other uses a firearm or other weapon. Even though the weapons are different, the thinking behind their actions is exactly the same and the results are similar. The difference is which means to an end that they use.
Maybe your boss at work is a bully. Or a coworker. Their mentality is no different than the bully who physically attacks you—it’s just that the two extremes use different means to carry out their bullying. Your boss might not strike you as the schoolyard bully would. But they both lash out mentally in similar ways.
Realities
It is far better if you can avoid a fight than to engage in a physical fight. Bad things happen from fights. You can end up on a stainless steel slab in the morgue. I’ve seen it, and it happens every day. Is it worth it?
Even if you physically win, there can be legal ramifications. You might be arrested and wind up in prison. Take it from me, you do NOT want to go to prison!
Let’s say there are no criminal charges. You’re home-free, right? Not so fast. The person who victimized you will likely turn around and launch a legal suit against you. And there’s a good chance he may win! If there is any way you can humanly avoid going into any type of court situation, that is the very best route you can take. And avoiding physical altercations is the best way to do that.
If you can avoid the physical fight, do so.
Next Time
In our next installment, we’ll examine how emotions play a part in conflict. We’ll also look at how to set emotional and physical boundaries, and why they are important. De-Escalation techniques will also be covered, so stay tuned!
